A Nurse's Journey » parents

Bulling has risen to a new high

Lillie — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 06:44:34 +0000

Bulling is defined as: “the act of mentally or physically harming another” has risen to and all time high with a new and deadly twist. All of us have run into the schoolyard bully who promised to break our faces but folded when we stood up for ourselves. But we now have new kinds of bullies roaming our society. These new bullies are out to cause maximum damage to their victim and their faces have changed.

Girls who once taunted other girls who looked at their boyfriend are now killing them. A young woman in Florida is now spending over twenty years in jail for killing an eighteen year old rival. Both girls had been going back and forth with threats. It finally spilled over into murder. The young man at the center of all this has gone on with his life.

The news recently brought to light the fact that a talented young Rutgers student, Tyler Clementi, was bullied by two students that outed his sexuality by filming him and another male student kissing. The young man was unable to stand the possible reaction of other students so he killed himself.

One of the worst case of bullying came to light when adults, who should know better, choose to taunt a seven year old girl who is dying from a hereditary disease. This child has already lost her mother to the disease. They rode by her house yelling out that she should die and even rode by with a coffin in their truck. The reason for this is that they weren’t invited to her party. How can any sane person think this is OK?

Why has bullying climbed to such a high place in our society? I think it has to do with what we have come to accept as acceptable behavior.

One role model for this is Simon Cowell of American Idol, who has made it an art form. Live and on television he berates young Idol hopefuls. He sits there with a sneer on his face as he dashes their hopes and for this he has made millions! Then there is the Survivors. This television program shows the art of bullying and back biting to reach your goals.

Then we have social networking which has made it easy for people to be anonymous and dish out cruel remarks that have led to the death of several young people. I signed onto Myspace hoping to talk to other medical people. While there a young woman asked, as a new diabetic, how to handle her sweet tooth. I tried to answer her as I would if I was in a hospital setting and as one who shared the same problem. Wrong thing to do. I was jumped on and accused of handling her with kid gloves. I was then accused of not being a real nurse. I know that if these people were in my presence they would not have had the gumption to tell me these things. But sitting in the comfort of their homes allowed them to act like anonymous cowards.

As much fun as social networking is it needs to be handled with some caution. Young people need to know that they should not let bullies get away with their cowardly acts. They should be reported to people who can help them.

We adults should reach out and give a smile or an encouraging word to a youth that might be being bullied. It is not only about sexuality! It could be about weight or lack of weight. Race, creed or any thing else that might make a young person different from the in crowd.

Get involved! Save our young people because they are our future.

Another needless death

Lillie — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 21:59:29 +0000

When a parents sends their child away to college for the first time it is a scary thing. This week a parent’s worst nightmare was recognized when a freshman student, Tyler Clementi, was video taped having an intimate interlude with another male student. It was sent out for the world to see. The culprits who did this were Dhrum Ravi and Molly Wei. Tyler later committed suicide by jumping off the Washington Bridge. Rutgers, the school of the three students, is in turmoil. Other students are outraged and suffering from remorse because of this young man’s death and their failure to give support to this young talented violinist.

I would like to hear what excuses these invaders’ of this young man’s privacy can come up with. Being Gay is no one business except the two people evolved. So why hurt someone in such a mean spirited way?

I am sure that neither student realized that their invasion of this young man’s privacy could bring them a five year prison sentence which I hope will be carried out.

Its time that we send a message to others that this new form of bullying and hurting other through mass media has got to stop! I hope the parents sue Ravi and Wei for wrongful death. Will this bring back their son? NO! But it will send a strong message to others.

I feel so sorry that this young man did not have the strength to go on and I know that the parents will never get over the death of their child. They are all in my prayers.

Wanting to be a mom doesn’t mean you should be one

Lillie — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:27:16 +0000

I was raised with a strong sense of responsibility and developed a deep maternal instinct. These two virtues can cause me to grind my back molars down to nubs when I witness people that lack either of the two virtues. After reading today’s Parade section about a young woman who desired to become a mother despite having a catastrophic genetic disorder called Type II Spinal Muscular Atrophy, it left me a bit sad and yes angry. Because of this disorder she can’t walk, has brittle bones, and suffers severe respiratory infections, that often has her in the hospital for weeks at a time on yearly basis.

Nevertheless, she refused to be tested to see if she would pass the disorder on to her children. Her retort was what better family could the child be born in if they prove to have the disease. What!

To this I say, if I had you as a mother and you passed this on to me knowing it was possible, I would not be happy to be your child. Why make life harder for your children. Life is a bitch as it is. Can you foresee that your children will have the inner strength that you have? Will they cope with the disorder as well as you have? This is not a given! Mothers should put their children before their desires.

I hope your genes won’t pass on the burden to another human. And I hope you choose not to have anymore kids. I have no more molars to loose!

Motherhood is not for the weak at heart

Lillie — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 20:49:55 +0000

A twenty-nine year old South Carolina women, mother of two young kids, killed them because she became frustrated with being a mother. Duh

This women who had two small children close in age and no job, was at her wits end. She had just had a fight with her mother who was trying for tough love and pushed her over the brink. She took a page from Susan Smith’s book and smothered her kids and drove them in the river.

As a mother of two kids I can remember and still feel sorry for scaring my kid. One day I had worked the night shift stayed up all day then took the kids to afternoon activities. After picking them up and driving home my kids asked what was for dinner. I was so tired and the thought of cooking drained all the strength from my body. I asked them “do you have to eat?” All of a sudden the car was very quiet and I turned to see two little frighten kids eyes wide with fright. Well that shocked me back into mammy mode and my kids were fed. How could you look into your kids eyes as the life fades from them without coming to your senses in time?

I am sure there isn’t a mother alive that hasn’t felt she couldn’t take all the work for one minute more but didn’t kill her kids. I am sorry for this women but I can tell her that she won’t have to worry about the kid’s work or anything else because the state of South Carolina is going to provide you with all your needs for the rest of your life. That is unless they decide to give you the hot shot!

God bless those little kids. They are in a better place now.

What really makes a father?

Lillie — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:40:48 +0000

On this day when we celebrate Father’s day, some may wonder what makes a good dad. At different times of our lives the answer may be varied as our own life experiences shape us. At this late stage of my life when I have raised my own kids, I have a deep feeling of love and admiration for my dad.

My dad was a large man with a big personality and presentation. He was quiet but when he spoke everyone listened. When I was young there were three of us. Another one came along twenty five years later. This was during a time where if you weren’t a teacher or a business man, jobs were menial. My dad worked these jobs but found his way to ones with the best pay and benefits, so we grew up with a roof over our heads and good food to nourish us. There was even a little extra for the Saturday movies.

We started out in a rented small apartment and we moved several times. Each time it was to a better place until we got our own home. As we moved up in our dwellings, my dad was moving up in his careers.

Mr B as my dad was called around town, managed a bowling alley. He was hired as the first Black deputy sheriff in our hometown. Then came his job as sports director at the Job Corp whose sports field now has his name. No one was more suited for this job than my dad.

My dad was a sports man. Tennis, football, baseball, and basketball. He played them all but most of all he shared his knowledge with the boys in the community. In a way he fathered them as well he was a father figure for many of them that didn’t have a man in their lives. He has been gone since 1997, but in the last few months I met a classmate that told me a story about how my dad help him when he was young.

Did I know that this man who I call daddy was such a community figure or that he helped others? No! I only knew that he was there to protect and care for us. As an adult I now know what he did for us and others. One thing that sticks out in my mind was of my father saving me in the middle of the night at great risk to himself.

Folks this was in the early sixties. I was coming home on holiday from nursing school. I usually flew home but this time I talked my parents in to letting me take the bus. To cut this short I got left in a small segregated town during a rest stop. My father got out of bed and drove several hours to pick me up. Why was this big deal? Well back then a Black man in a Cadillac, in the middle of the night, was a magnet for trouble from the guys dressed in sheets.

Do you want to know what this day is to celebrate? Its men who give their all in the thankless job of raising kids who will not understand their sacrifice until they have grown up and raised their own kids.

So dad, Mr B, I salute you and love you because you were a father who gave us his all.

Lavish gift does not a good father make

Lillie — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:29:58 +0000

Martin Bashsir while interviewing P Diddy on his $350,000 automobile gift to his sixteen year old son, was met with the answer that he could give his kid what ever he wanted to. Now that was not the question. The question was how appropriate was this gift?

As a single parent who often bought her kids lots of things because I felt bad that I had not picked a better father for them, and I had to work a lot. But unlike P. Diddy my kids came from a marriage and they both had the same father. He just was not father material.

Not speaking for Bashir, I think what he was asking is what will this kid have to look forward to and strive for? Next what happens when someone tries to take away this pricey gift from a child? This is a magnet for the bad guys. Children of the rich have such a hard time any way why handicap them with this sort of gift? Should you not give your child a nice car if you can afford it? Yes. But one of this magnitude is asking for trouble. Besides the lure of this high ticket item, I bet it has the engine of a jet. Young boys and high speed cars are asking for trouble!

Give gifts. But time with them is better and will be remembered when you are long gone.

A City steeped in mourning

Lillie — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:09:46 +0000

It has happen again. In less than a week a young life has been cut short. Amber Dubois’s body has been found a year after she went missing. Amber’s family tried to do all the right things to bring her home. They had hired rescue dogs to track her. The dogs had tracked her to the place near where she had been found. Her grandmother had also hired a private detective. She had turned over all the information to the police but they had never followed up on it.

Amber’s body was found on the Pala Indian reservation. Law enforcement is saying they do not think Gardner, the man who killed Chelsea King, had anything to do with her death. The whole city is in mourning for these young woman, Chelsea and Amber. How much more must we have to go through?

My heart goes out to their families May the good Lord keep them strong. May their death rally the citizens to change the laws and keep monsters off the street so they can never hurt another child..

This must be stopped!

Lillie — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:36:38 +0000

Living in San Diego California is wonderful. The weather is to be envied by most of the country. It is a big city with a closeness that reminds you of a small town. But that same feeling can lead to a false sense of security and being safe. We are again watching the family of a child being searched for. Chelsea King’s family is going through what no parents would want to have to endure. That is waiting for the return of their child’s body.

Chelsea, a well liked young woman with her own bright future ahead of her, did not return from her run. An alleged repeat sex offender is now being charged with her death. Her body has not been found. Last year we had another young lady go missing. She was in the same age group. Amber Dubois is still out there and that family has no closure.

The person charged with Chelsea’s murder has offended before. Plea bargaining and time off for good behavior let these people out early and the heavy case load of the parole officers make it impossible to keep a watch on them. Anyone remember Jaycee Dugard?

Sex offenders have the highest rate of return. Some can’t fight the urge to stop while others feel that they really do no harm. Many kill their victims so they will not have to go back to jail.

The laws are on the books to allow them back on the streets. We the people have the right and power to change them. Why don’t we use our votes to get people in office that will keep these creeps locked up so our streets will be safe?

To Chelsea’s family I offer my sympathy and to Amber’s family I hope you have a positive out come to your search for your daughter.

OMG shes back and she a flaming flake

Lillie — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 19:19:02 +0000

Last year I stood on my soap box and proclaimed Nadya Suleman, better known as Octo-mom, a flake and a psychotic fool. Well folks she is back on television and my first impression has not changed!

If you saw her interview on The View, you have got to admit she remains much the same. First she will not and does not answer a question straight on. Second she has a laugh that scrapes the paint off walls and if there is any movie director who needs to portray a crazy person she is the ideal model. Dear Whoopie Goldberg asked straight out if she was a “few French fries short of a Happy Meal” (my words not Whoopies), she let out this ungodly screech and wondered around the question. She also tap danced around the question “was she finished having kids.” She should thank God it’s not a crime to be crazy. For if it was, she would be a first class felon.

I am sure this is not the last time we will see Octo-mom. But I hope she will retire her uterus. And if I ever hear that unholy voice again, it will be to soon.

The need for gun control

Lillie — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:30:08 +0000

Ever since this great country was founded and guns were a necessary part of life, the debate over gun control has reigned. Recently here in Vacaville, California, a two year old was shot and killed by her eight year old brother who thought the gun was a toy. The fact that the father of this child is an army reservist who should have known the proper way to store a gun safely makes you wonder what kind of training military men are getting today. It was stated that the home had many weapons.

I feel sorry for any parent that loses a child. But I think the stupidity of having guns where children can get them is more than a mistake. It is a crime and someone should pay.

Guns lovers fall back on the Constitution that states we have a right to bear arms. But do we have the right to put our children at risk? I vote NO!

How and why this happened will be left up to the authorities to sort out. But in the mean time a child is lost for no other reason than someone did not take the time to put the gun in a locked box. With a child proof device to prevent the gun from being fired by a child.

To me this makes gun control a need for those who abuse the privilege of having them.

Chilling Facts

Lillie — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 21:17:15 +0000

With the arctic air bring frigid temperatures to a large portion of the United states making it almost impossible to stay out side more than a short time without severe damage to the human body a father Robert E. Aragon sent his two children on a ten mile hike to the death of one and almost death of the other.

Aragon was on his way with the children to visit their mother when their car got caught and stalled in deep snow drifts. While the father and his friend tried to free the car he sent the two children a ten year old girl and a 12 year old boy to start walking ten to their mothers.

The children quickly became disoriented and could not decide whether to turn back or keep going. somehow they became separated and the girl was found dead. The young boy ass found wondering about half clothed and near death after taking off his clothes due to his delirium

The father now sitting in jail on second degree murder charges doesn’t seem to understand what he has done. I am very cold sensitive and would not want to leave my dog outside in a 60 degree day so how can you not know that children should not try to walk in snow that a car cannot navigate. Poor judgment and stupidity does not give you a free pass. Your punishment should be sitting in a freezer until you have some understanding of what the poor kids went through.

Senior Citizens at the mercy of airline

Lillie — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:19:11 +0000

As a senior citizen my heart ached at this story. An 85 year old woman returning from a family reunion and wheelchair bound was left sitting in her chair by an airline attendant and missed her flight. As if this was not enough, she was to get on another flight and the attendant did not get her to that flight in time either!

Now at 85 years of age how many more times do you have to travel? I am not being morbid just realistic? I am sure at this point, the lady will not want to leave home again with out someone to accompany her? What did the airline have to say for themselves? Pretty much “oh well, that was just human error.”

GET A GRIP! You are running a business and YOU provide the service of helping the handicapped and young kids get to their destinations, safe and sound. I have written on how you have falling down in both cases.

If you are not going to provide the service in an efficient manner, don’t charge and collect an extra fee for it!

A mother’s nightmare

Lillie — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 16:18:04 +0000

I was a working mother for all of my career so I know the plight that we go through to get good care for our kids. A recent story touched my heart when I heard a mother went to pick up her child and found the center closed, the workers gone home, and her child could be heard crying from inside. This mother did what any mother would have done. She found a brick and did a little breaking and entering to retrieve her child. Don’t stand between a mother and her crying child. Good for you mom.

Now I want to know how this happened. The owner says the mother did not sign the child in. OK. But at some point in the day was there no head count like maybe at meal time that the miss count would have been noticed? Was there no walk through at the end of the day to see that the center was left in an orderly manner for the next day?

I know that a nine month old child is small but this is not a kitten stuck in some corner. This was a child in a crib. How can he be missed? Besides these questions I want to know if he was feed and changed during the day.

The center is now is under investigation. I hope this mother finds a better place to leave her kid.

Racism Thriving in America

Lillie — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:55:23 +0000

If it wasn’t so sad I would laugh at those poor whites who think racism is a buried issue. The latest attacks on the Obama kids come from the pages of the conservative Free Republic blog. They attacked the children of the Obama with such venom and hate it seems like the 1940’s when Blacks were hung in trees like Xmas ornaments!

There were slurs calling the girls “ ghetto whores “, “thugs“, and asked such questions as when would these girls have their “first abortions.”

The children come from parents who obviously love them and their relationship is to be envied by most people. The Obama’s level of education can’t be held up to scrutiny and only be respected. What makes their children “street thugs?” What makes them so unacceptable other than the color of their skin? Both of these people are class acts and their children are a reflection of their parents.

Why isn’t some of this hate and nasty remarks thrown at the Palins? Here is a family that has an unwed mother right up front. Was she called a whore? NO! She is white and that makes her a class act? NO! Her mother was hoping to be vice president. Her lack of knowledge showed on the campaign trail when she was asked about the world geography. Ask Michelle or Barack those questions. I can guarantee you that they will be able to answer them!

Black is nothing more than a skin color. Judge the man by his work. Leave the children alone. Hate and bigotry is wrong.

The Height of Selfishness

Lillie — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 17:20:54 +0000

There must be something wrong with women like octo-mom Nadya Suleman and the 66 year old woman who tricked a fertility clinic into treating her with In vitro drugs so she could get pregnant. She went on to have twin boys and now she is dead leaving these poor kids without a father or mother.

Procreation has a strong pull for some women but there comes a time when anyone with an ounce of sense will know when to leave well enough alone. Man has in some cases gone where no man should go. Providing one mother with 14 kids under seven was one such case. Now a woman chooses to have these twins. They have no one to care for them and the woman must have thought that getting her name in the record book made it all worth while.

I think there is a reason why we don’t have children at such a late time in life. First you may not be around to finish the job of raising them. Next, young children are a large responsibility. It takes patience and energy to give the kids the life they deserve. There is now an older woman who wants to get pregnant. This woman is 70 years old! I hope the doctors put a stop to this craziness.

Where has the common sense gone from today’s world? Just because you can do something does not mean you should do it. Sixty and seventy are a time to be grandmother. Where you can have the grand kids for a short time then send them home when you get tired..

One more thing to consider. My mother had a child at 44. My sister was often mistaken for a grand child causing her to be embarrassed. Ladies before you have a child at some insane age give thought of the reality of the task at hand! It’s not about YOU! It’s about THEM!

Flying the friendly skies

Lillie — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:00:16 +0000

If you ask my friends or my tiny forty something kids, they will tell you that this mama bear is probably a tad over protective of her cubs. So when I read where Continental Airlines lost not one but two young girls in one weekend, by placing them on wrong the flights, my blood pressure went into orbit!

Airlines take the responsibility for the care of underage children and charge an extra fee to see that they are safe and placed on the right flight to get to their destination. They should make sure that they make this as high priority as getting the flight their safe and on time. But NO these girls were shuffled around like lost baggage!

I know as a large child I tried to act like a pint size adult in situations, but my insides were shaking like jello. Boy do I ever wonder what these poor kids must have felt in a strange city, by THEMSELVES!

Now let me tell you that I have a problem with parents that would put their kids on a plane full of strangers in the first place. Because child molesters are unfortunately everywhere. It takes only a minute for someone to touch your child. Parents who choose to part and live on different sides of the country need to find a better way to see their kids. Flying alone and leaving the care of your child in the hands of people who have shown that the high price they charge for their service get you nothing but poor care isn’t the best idea.

The next time you want to ship your kid to some far off place, find a better method to supervise them because the 75 dollars they will offer you for the inconvenience is not worth your child’s safety or comfort!

Remembering Father

Lillie — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:23:57 +0000

The third Sunday in June is celebrated as Father’s Day. It was started in 1910 by Sonora Dodd in honor of her father who had raised her alone after her mother died. In 1957 Richard Nixon made it a national holiday.

Fathers come in all sizes, colors, ages, and disposition, but they are the protectors and provider of the family. There are many men who take this job lightly but for those brave hearts who put their all in the task, we salute you!

I want to give a special shout out to a very special friend of mine. He is 66 years old and has taken in the job of raising his grandchildren. Three of the most adorable children you could ever lay your eyes on . At the age where he could and should be living the good life, he is caring for a two, a three and a four year old. This would be a big job for someone half the age. Does he complain? NO! This is a man who this day is meant to honor.

Happy Father’s Day to all the men who step up to the plate when they are needed.